So there were these three old-time friends who hadn't seen each in 40 years who meet and converse at their Middle School reunion. They get to talking and reminisce a bit and then ask the first guy how he's doing these days and he says, "I act...

I’m not going to mention the name of the team the Lakers are playing in the next round of the NBA playoffs because I don’t want to jinx an inevitable victory in glorious fashion for the Lakes but it’s completely thunderstandable that we shou...

So a man goes into a bar and orders a drink and as he sits down he notices beautiful piano melodies. When he looks to the piano up front to see whose glorious fingers the beautiful number was coming from, he sees no one. He then quickly asks the b...

A man goes to the Doctor complaining of a possuble hemorroid and the Doctor says "Okay I need a urine sample, a stool sample, a semen sample, a blood sample and a sample of the hemorroid." After hearing this, the man swiftly takes off hi...

So I meet this girl at a bar last weekend, and after drinking heavily for a few hours, proceed to go back to her place. Pretty awesome?…Yes. Well we start messing around or whatever and things were grand but when it bumped up a notch and push ca...

Uninvaluable Tips for Men If you want to save money on buying shampoo…shave your head. Don’t eat Doritos while chewing bubble gum…just because it sounds like a good combination doesn’t mean it is one. That goes for ketchup in milk as w...

So a few buddies and I hit up this local party the other night which was nothing short of a hilariously good time. In traditional fashion, we pre gamed in the parking lot just before storming in which is customary. Then when we were nice and loose...

Shemales shouldn’t be called shemales, normal women should be called SHE-males. There aint much about a shemale that’s female, believe me. I mean, I'm not saying I know from experience or anything thank Christ, like it kinda seemed like I do f...

Yo mamma's so poor she got married just for the rice.

So I saw Beyonce at a coffee shop yesterday and she was looking on the ground and all over for something so I asked her what she was looking for. She said she lost her cell phone and it was somewhere in the coffee shop. I said well I can call it, ...

Q: What does a clock do when it's hungry? A: It goes back four seconds

Yo mamma's so old her social security number is 000-00-0014

Yo mamma's so fat she gets winded getting out of bed each morning

There was a salty old man sitting in a wheel chair at a retirement home one day when this gorgeous young blond woman walks in and says "Today is your lucky day, I'm going to give you super sex! The old man says "Soup please."

strange bird the pelican, it's mouth can hold more then his belly can

Jack and Jill were riding an elephant, Jill jumped off and then helped Jack off the elephant.

Someone once asked me what my favorite land was? Though I’m sure they were asking me what my favorite country and foreign land was, they worded it weird and asked me strangely so I answered just as strangely, if not more strangely. I told him my...

Women these days put way too much emphasis on their weight and looks, it’s ridiculous. Not every girl can be Jennifer Lopez. Hell, most girls out there look more like George Lopez then Jennifer. Honestly though girls, if you are taller when you...

Everyone tells me…you need a girlfriend, you need a girlfriend...Ya know what, I'm as single as a one dollar bill and loving every minute of it. As far as I'm concerned I've got my girlfriend right here (I'm holding up my right hand and pointing...

The bartender says "You can't have that thing in here! Get out!" The guy says "It's okay, this Alligator is highly trained. Just give me a few seconds and I'll show you." The bartender, intrigued, gives him the go-ahead. The man gingerly lifts ...

Two Mexicans are stranded in the desert, on their last leg, about to die of thirst. They stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something, they suddenly spy through the heat haze a tree off in the distance. As they get clos...

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, the stewardess announces over the intercom that "we're just waiting for the pilots." The passengers look out the window and see two men, dressed as pilots walking towards the plane. Both men are u...

A pirate is starting his first day aboard his new ship and the captain is giving him the tour. ''There's the plank for trouble makers, there's the deck that needs swabbing everyday and there's the barrel for all you sexual needs.'' ''Whatcha me...

One afternoon, in a land where Eskimos and Scotsman run into each other on the highway fairly often, an Eskimo was driving down the road when his truck breaks down. Shortly after, a friendly Scotsman pulls off to the side of the road to help him....

A little old lady walks into Bank of America and asks to open a savings account. The new accounts receptionist first thinks this is strange, probably because everyone is leaving them for credit unions now. At any rate, the accounts person asks he...

A man walks in a bar with his pet monkey. He sits down and orders a drink, meanwhile the monkey is running around all over the place and jumps up on a pool table. He grabs the 8 ball, shoves it into his mouth and swallows it hole. "Holy crap!" ...

One day, when litte Timmy came back from home, his mother yelled at Timmys father,"fuck you",she said.Timmy asked his mom,"whats "fuck",he asked,oh,said his mother,it means your nice... "ok" said timmy,the next m...

Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving. Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.

Yo mama hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches. Yo mama hair so short she curls it with rice.

Yo mama has one leg and a bicycle. Yo mama has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses. Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it. Yo mama has one hand and a Clapper. Yo mama has green hair and thinks she's a tree. Yo mama has on...

Yo mama head so big she has to step into her shirts. Yo mama head so big it shows up on radar. Yo mama head so big she has to wash her hair at Niagra Falls.

Yo mama head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillow. Yo mama head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.